woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
