Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
