based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
