If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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