Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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