if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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