IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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