dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Randomize
