i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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