We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
