in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
