the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
