now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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