Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
