is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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