Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
