Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
