Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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