She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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