My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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