so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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