Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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