Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
