we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
