SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
