you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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