So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
