I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
