hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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