just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
