I must be too annoying 4 u.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
