My nipple is on Facebook.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
