we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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