look no pants
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
