FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
