those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
