Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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