Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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