did you get engaged???
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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