I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
