I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
