You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
