Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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