Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
