Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
