...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
