Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We need to get me chipped asap
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
