i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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