My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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