I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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