The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
