How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you didnt know i had herpes?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
